I never know my limits til now... Getting a job was never ever easy and having something good sure have a sacrifice for something else. Coming a long line of different jobs and doing different things have got me realise just 1 thing - I could never stay too long in a job now. The longest would be in LTA for 7.5 yrs, that was my 1st job as a clerical officer. After that, it was all sorts of different jobs in different industry facing all sorts of difficulties. I came to HP started as an Admin Executive in Sep last year & changing to a Partner Support Manager in Mar just this year.

Just after getting this recent position, I was thrilled to finally have the chance to "fly high" in a Fortune 500 MNC. It's ok for me to wake at 3.30am to start work @ 4.30am everyday in the morning. But never did I realise what kind of stuff were coming towards me... What I face everyday as a partner support manager is having more than 100 emails per day (I'm not joking, they're no good ones), partners from New Zealand practically "screaming" to be served first, getting their orders delivered ASAP, wanting everything, complaining of everything. Month end was the most "exciting" part, you get to go on concalls almost everyday, prepare backlog reports for each concall session which consists of 500 over orders remaining undelivered, investigating item by item. That's just the qty. What abt the amount in $$? Millions of NZ dollars involved. I've got 6 large partners and these are what I have to handle. Besides, I've got to work at home during non-working hours including weekends, just doing my best to clear my work. Did I mention my team is really short-handed? Only 3 of us managers handling the whole of NZ. All for the sake of a salary just enough to keep myself alive for a month. I'm not earning like the other managers are cos I'm only a contract staff.

Taking over the duties of a colleague who just left on Thu made me realise that she was indeed a supergirl. The amount of workload she handled was a complete hell. I cannot imagine how she could handle all these for 1 year. She was so bloody happy to be able to quit this job. All her stress has been relieved & put on me. Well, great huh! My colleagues including me, dislike my boss. By the way, he just gave me more work to do, on top of other things! I don't know how to voice out to him that I'm so stressed up right now.

I've got myself sick these few days. Had diarrhea last Thu, hurt my knee and was limping badly since last Sunday, had breathlessness since Wed & fainted after work on that day at my office lift lobby, knocked my head against the wall when I fainted, collapsed again last night at home. Now my chest feels really tight & breathing is really tough. Getting up & walk, I just feel like I'm carrying a heavy baggage of few hundred kilos & I'll start to feel really weak & dizzy. Doc just said I'm really stressed out. sigh..... what should I do? Quit? or continue this ultra-super stressful job? I've got a contract of 6 mths to fulfill... 3 months to commit. If I quit now, I've got to pay back 1 mth's salary. Not worth it. If i quit after May, it won't be so bad. But I don't know if my health can tolerate til then. My mom's really worried & I can't do much to get less worried. Cos my focus was to earn lots of $. I really thought I was able to do everything, that I can be supergirl as well, but my health is worsening at a fast rate. Vitamin M(oney) isn't gonna cure my health. Just yesterday, I received an email from my job agency saying that a contract staff who's working in HP as well, passed away from heart attack, leaving his wife & kids... deja vu? coincidental? a warning sign? I dunno. I don't wanna end up dead for the sake of dough. The moral of the story is don't ever fall in love with your company or your job.

Recent incidents have got me thinking about a few things and pondering on the effects on people who suffered from improper judgements made by others.

We're brought up in a world which has taught us limitations, restrictions and even pain. Most likely we got this information from our own parents, teachers and others, media. Sometimes, we over generalize or criticise things and make simple things become big issues. Most innocent people suffer from low self-esteem and low confidence, mostly due to the stereotypical thinking of others. I believe almost everyone of us do get these judgements or pass judgements (unintentionally/intentionally) at others at different times in our lives.

Just yesterday, I was getting into my home elevator going downstairs. At the same time, a couple walked in as well. They're 2 lesbians, whom I believe 1 of them is staying at the same block as I do. Both of them seem loving & close. After we all got out of the lift, they went off to a different direction. I started to wonder how many people have passed judgements on them and how this couple have endured. Then I came to a conclusion that the couple wouldn't have really cared about what others say.

In this society, prejudice and discrimination still exist. It's heartbreaking to see the extreme negative effects of the 2 and how they could destroy innocent lives. Just remember WW2 when all the Jews were killed. I thank God that I'm not living in a country that has racial unrest. However, throughout my life, I get judged by people who looked down on my family, my jobs, my career path, my financial status, my appearance, my figure, my character, my performance, the way I carry myself etc etc... the list goes on... Some people would think they're actually "helping", but in fact, they're not really doing anything beneficial. I own my life and only I have the responsibility to live my life. I don't have to listen to anyone's criticisms or "comments" or "advice" when I think they're purely bullshit. I already know what shit I have and I can stand up for myself. Thank you very much. My plans are for my own to carry out and I don't have to follow others'. Of course, there are times when I look for others for guidance & appreciate their comments that can improve myself. But I pretty much would prefer others to keep their comments to themselves when I don't need them.

Sometimes, we just blare out words that may seem harmless but could mean harm to others. I think we should reflect on our own imperfections before we actually start making unfair judgements on others. But of course, I'm not saying to be overly critical or cruel to ourselves. Just think what the negative effects would there be when we start belittling others. We don't really fully understand about someone's life, so what right do we have by judging others? We may just cause another to commit suicide. Who knows, right?

I'm not being religious or anything, but I do feel that this quote from the bible is so right: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Mt 7:1-2).

I posted Christina Aguilera's song "Beautiful"  in my Music page. It's my favourite song by her. The song illustrates what I'm trying to say and what I've gone through personally. Do check out her controversial video which shows some interesting scenes of a gay couple kissing and how people are often criticized and getting hurt from others' judgements. Her lyrics are just beautiful and meaningful.

For those (including me) who have suffered tremendously from unfair judgements, look into ourselves for our inner strength and let it shine out. We definitely have a worth living in this world. Care not how others have criticised us, they're just words that don't mean no thing. We definitely have the choice to how we feel, and we don't need to choose to feel hurt by what others say. And we don't have to criticise others.

I'M DYING TO LEARN DANCING NOW!!

I'm looking for people to join me for salsa/belly bhangra/exotic (lap) dance classes... I've already learnt belly dancing, so wanna learn something new... Anyone can tell me where in Singapore has a good dancing school that offers good prices for dance classes? And who is interested to join me???

STRAWBERRY MILK

Strawberry milk, strawberry milk
Oh! How I love thee!
Pink & sweet is all I need!
I love it when you're freezed!
Oh, there are so many brands to choose from,
But only 1 that I really wanna prompt!
It's Meiji brand,
All the way from Thailand!
The cows there must be well-fed & not mad!!
The grass they eat must be fresh green pads!!
830 millilitre-bottle a day is not enough for me,
Make it 2, or even 3!!
I can't find you in 7-11s, nor Cheers, nor any little shops,
I have to buy you from NTUC or Cold Storage supermarts,
Where they sell you for 2 Sing bucks,
I just can't resist you, I want you for f**ks!
Once I buy you, I'll drink you all up!
I swallow you from the bottle, not from a cup! 
Quench my thirst & fill my tummy, 
Fresh, cold, delicious, creamy, sweet & yummy!!
You make me feel just like you, my strawberry milk!
OOH! I just can't resist you, my lovely Meiji strawberry milk!!
 
~ May Leong (Fri 1 Dec 06, 2.07am)

THE PAIN IN MY HEART

I tell myself that everything will be ok,
But the pain in my heart lingers on.
Makes my tears fall,
Leaves me cold & lonely.
I don't wanna have this pain in my heart,
I thought I could guard myself against it,
I demand it to leave!
It's telling me, "I'm always with you, darling,
"Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little,
"But don't take me bad, just take me good,
"Once I'm gone, baby I'll be back again,
"So you can't lose me
"Just accept me."
 
This pain in my heart chooses me,
It is divine,
I have no choice but to accept it,
It's a part of my life,
It forces me to find inner peace,
Let's me discover new ways to express myself,
Teaches me to be in touch with emotions,
Forces me to be strong standing alone,
Makes me grow with patience to withstand time,
And tells me loving myself is all I must do.
 
The pain in my heart says to me,
"Be graceful & let time heal me,
"Memories will sometimes bring me back,
"But it's temporary.
"Accept me, but never ever force me to go.
"No medication, no alcohol
"No drug can ever get rid of me.
"It's human nature, babe, just let me be.
"Embrace me, kiss me, and treasure me,
"You will then receive the love all around you, in time, I will leave."

~ by May Leong (Thu 30 Nov 06, 10.20am)

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I just read an interesting article in the net about finding that Mr Right. I won't share what it's all about, but more of my perspectives about this BIG issue of single females getting Mr Right & afraid of ending up with all the wrong guys. I have friends who are happily married, some in relationships, some divorced, and lots of single ones. When friends start talking about their happily attached status & who they've been seeing & so on, I admit I do feel a "slight" tinge of envy (I'm still single, by the way). But when I really ask myself if I'm actually ready for any relationship right now, I am a little unsure in answering that question. I'm not afraid of commitment at all. Yes, I'm really tired of getting into relationships that never last and would definitely hope that the next one would be a long-lasting one.. BUT... the BIG BUT, before I hope or get into any, I should really be ready for it emotionally, physically & mentally (in other words, the whole of me must be ready). I want to be a relationship potential and be able to work things out with my potential partner.

I've always been the only child, and having to share my life with a new person is a BIG deal for me. I used to think that those who has siblings shouldn't have any problem handling a relationship. Boy, was I wrong! Anybody has to learn everything about relationships. There are many things that 2 persons have to really understand from each other before real love ever takes place. They could be goals in life, lifestyles, their views on different types of issues (love, family, career, religion, political, etc) and the ways a couple handle any problem. I believe that a couple should be able to grow together in a relationship, learning from each other & not just one-sided. That sounds like quite a bit work and it'll take both parties to cooperate.

I do like the game of love, falling in love, romances, etc. Who doesn't? But I don't believe that there's Mr Right. That doesn't mean those who believe there is are wrong. It's just my belief. Nobody's perfect. Learning to accept others' faults & forgiving them aren't easy, but when I know mine are accepted and forgiven, then why can't I do the same for my partner? I would appreciate my partner if he loves me for the good side of me and accept me for who I am. The ways a man & woman think and communicate are different! Playing fair in relationships can be hard, but is a rule of thumb... and there are other elements such as being truthful to yourself & to the other party and, of course, communication. The way 2 persons communicate is the thing that makes the connection or bridge to any gap in a relationship. If it matches, it can help 2 people create something really amazing and wonderful. It can make both attract to each other in such a way that they just can't stop keeping their hands/hearts/minds/eyes/whatever off from each other.

Love is a wonderful thing & most singles can't wait to enjoy it. But true love is definitely worth the wait and work. I don't mean physically sit around and wait cos nothing will happen. I meant enjoy the art of dating and working out a potential relationship slowly. Before plunging into one, ask yourself these first - are you really a relationship potential or a player? What do you really want to gain from this relationship? Are you looking for long-term? If so, what & how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to achieve that with your partner?

"Experiencing chemistry with someone can be wonderful, powerful and promising. But if you're looking for a life partner relationship, don't let chemistry be your guiding star. Instead, channel the chemistry you experience into asking the "tough" questions, to learn if your dating partner shares your values, priorities and life goals. The information you gather will tell you if you'll have more opportunities to make magic together in the future, something I don't think you'd want to avoid." ~ Janice D. Bannet, Ph.D. (Click here for the article.)

1. I am in this life to live according to what feels true for me alone. I listen to myself, my heart, and I stop allowing myself to be ordered around by others, now.

2. When I am asked to do something that I really do not want to do, I say no. If the person asks me why, I simply say that I do not feel comfortable with it or do not feel up to it.

3. I remove myself from any person or situation that is abusive and hurtful.

4. When someone tries to tell me what I can and cannot do, I thank them for their perspective and let them know in words and actions that I am the only one who can make my decisions for me.

5. Every day I look in the mirror at least two times and tell myself three good qualities about myself based on my observable actions.

6. I remind myself that my worth has nothing to do with my outward circumstances. I know I can change any outer circumstance I feel unhappy about with my decision to change it. If I cannot change the actual circumstance, I know I can always receive the higher perspective about it, which will then transform my feelings to understanding and inner peace.

7. Every time I compare myself to people I admire, I remind myself that I have those same qualities within me, and I get excited about bringing out that part of myself in my life.

8. I do only what I feel comfortable doing with respect to any area of my life.

9. I ask myself what I would most love to express in terms of my life direction and purpose. I get in touch with what inspires me, and then I follow through with my actions.

10. I do writings to God, as I personally understand Him or Her to be, and ask for guidance any time I feel uncertain about any situation in my life, and I ask for guidance so I can move forward in the most positive direction.

11. I remember that there is no such thing as competition. Every person can express his or her own best, and so can I.

12. I express everything in my life from my heart because it brings me joy.

13. I follow my gut feelings and inner knowing at all times, and never allow anyone to steer me away from my truth.

14. I immediately stop all negative comments to and about myself. When a negative thought comes up in my mind, I acknowledge that it is simply an old, conditioned, negative thought, and I replace it with a statement of truth about myself.

15. I stop trying to mold myself into what I think others want me to be, and bring out the courage to be and express who I really am.

16. I share my life’s circumstances only with people who are positive and fully supportive of me.

17. I stop discussing my life’s problems with people whose shoes I would never want to see myself in.

18. I release all blame on others about my life circumstances, and from this moment forward take personal responsibility to create the life I love to live, one moment at a time.

19. I stop trying to get other people to understand me if they do not understand. Instead, I simply allow them their view while I continue to do what feels true for me, as long as it brings no harm to anyone.

John Clare (1793 - 1864) was born to a poor labouring family in Northamptonshire. His education did not extend much beyond basic reading and writing, and he had to start work herding animals at the age of seven. This was not a promising start for a future writer, but in his early teens he discovered The Seasons by James Thomson and began writing poems himself. His first love, Mary Joyce, was the daughter of a wealthy farmer; their separation caused Clare great pain, and it contributed to the sense of loss which pervades much of his poetry. In 1820 he married Martha Turner and published his first book of poems. He was described as 'John Clare, a Northampton Peasant' on the title-page, and the current fashion for 'rural poetry' brought him some celebrity in London. He made friends with Charles Lamb and other literary figures, and was granted the sum of £45 a year by wealthy patrons. The vogue for rustic poets did not last long however, and his popularity faded during the 1830s. The situation was made worse by his publishers, who insisted on 'correcting' Clare's individual style and use of dialect, to make his verse fit contemporary notions of poetic convention. Clare's attempts to write like other poets of his day, as well as his financial worries, put tremendous strain on his mind, and in 1837 he was admitted to a mental asylum in High Beach, Epping. He escaped from the asylum in 1841, and walked home to Northamptonshire, under the delusion that he would be reunited with Mary Joyce there. A few months later he entered Northamptonshire General Asylum, where he lived for the rest of his life, still writing poems when his mental health permitted. The asylum poems are among his best known works, but the haunting descriptions of rural landscapes in poems such as 'The Flitting', 'Decay' and 'Remembrances' are more typical of the true character of his poetic voice.

Your words were like rain drops on dry petals,
Your eyes on your pictures were the bluest blue one can ever find in the sky,
Your laughter was the one thing that would make me happy,
Your heart was the only one who would opened up to me,
Your secrets you told me brought me closer to you,
Your feelings you have poured out to me led me feel for you,
Your voice is the one thing I always long to hear,
It's rare and distinctive, I know, oh so clear,
After all that you've shared with me,
You have to take them back and start from scratch,
Why does it have to be so,
When I was already falling beyond limits?
The only comfort was you,
Or maybe I believed so.
No longer you could see me like you thought you could,
No longer you could open up to me like you would,
No longer I could hear your voice,
That soothes me so.
Make it your choice in how you want us to be.
I hate this to be short-lived,
Don't you see how my heart yearned so badly?
I wished this would be a dream come true,
But now it's more like a dream that would seem untrue.
It's never your fault, but all mine to blame.
I became a lost item, that is left unclaimed.
My sadness is mine to feel,
It should've never been witnessed by you.
I wish time is on our side,
And stars shining brightly for us.
Maybe I've wished too much,
Or maybe, I've become just too much.
My drugs & medication may have caused them,
I'm not crazy, but I'm not perfect too.
Moodiness & sadness blind me at times,
Side effects of pills have drowned me as well.
Who is the real me? You asked.
I'm May, the one who truly cares for you, that's the real me.

~ May Leong (on Fri 17 Nov 06 3:45am)

When It's More Than Just A Mood

Feeling irritable or short-tempered can be signs of depression. So can feelings of boredom or hopelessness.

Many people think of depression as feeling sad, but depression can also bring feelings of moodiness, impatience, anger, or even just not caring. When depression gets in the way of enjoying life or dealing with others, that's a sign you need to do something about it, like talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you deal with it.

Taking Control

Here are some things you can do that might make those bad moods a bit easier to handle:

• Recognize you're not alone. Although not every teen experiences mood changes to the same degree, they are common.
• Catch your breath. Or count to 10. Or do something that lets you settle down for a few moments, especially if you're feeling angry or irritable. Try to look at the situation from the point of view of a wise observer.
• Talk to people you trust. Friends can help each other by realizing that they're not alone in their feelings. Talking to parents is important, too. Parents can share their own experiences dealing with bad moods. Plus, they'll appreciate it if you try to explain how you feel instead of just slamming a door. Teachers and counselors are often good resources, and a doctor can help sort through questions about development. Keeping feelings inside can make them seem much worse.
• Exercise. Regular exercise produces more beta-endorphin, a hormone that controls stress and improves mood. Go for a run, play some tennis, ride your bike, or punch a punching bag.
• Get enough sleep. Though it can be hard to find enough time, getting adequate rest is very important. Being tired can lead to more sadness and irritability.
• Create. Get involved in some sort of project, like starting a journal or diary, building something out of wood, or starting an art or music piece. Writing can help you organize and express your thoughts and feelings and will make things more manageable. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, or punctuation; the important thing is just to get your thoughts on paper. Do the same thing with paint, sculpture, music, or other art forms. Put your feelings into your artwork.
• Cry. There's nothing wrong with crying; in fact, it often makes a person feel better. However, if you find that you are sad, irritable, bored, or hopeless much of the time, or if you just can't seem to shake the blues, you might be depressed and need help from a counselor or doctor. If you're feeling stressed or angry a lot of the time, getting help could be very useful for you.
• Wait. Just as you can get into a bad mood for what seems like no reason at times, that mood can also pass. If your negative mood sticks around too long, though — or if it's interfering with the way you deal with friends, parents, school, or activities — then you may want to talk to a school counselor, parent, or therapist about what you can do to feel better.

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		Percentage of Test Takers

Confidence is the trait that makes people feel self-assured and certain that they have what it takes to be successful. You have high confidence. As a result, most of the time you probably feel quite stable and emotionally calm. However, it's not unlikely that there are also times when you feel insecure or overwhelmed by stress. When stressful things happen, try to maintain your perspective and avoid emotional extremes. Remember that you can choose to look on the bright side of any situation that presents itself. Chances are you already know how to snap yourself out of negative patterns of self-doubt when they happen. You may just need a little push in the right direction to be encouraged to do it.

Because of your usual high level of self-acceptance and belief in yourself, you're generally open and accepting of others. This graciousness can include a tendency to be warm to those around you. It can also mean that you reserve your judgments of people until you get to know them well. People who come in contact with you likely appreciate this generous nature and may seek out your company.

When it comes to dealing with yourself, you're usually equally kind. You're not really one to engage in self-blaming behaviors. You'll usually cut yourself some slack when it comes to feelings of guilt and shame. In most situations, you appear to understand that positivity is a more productive approach to life's challenges. However, even with high confidence, you're going to experience off days. Whether due to adverse judgments made by others or unreasonably high expectations for yourself, sometimes you're bound to feel vulnerable, insecure, or hurt. When this happens, be gentle with yourself. Confidence can be a great personal strength to help get you through rough times. But remember that for this trait to thrive, you need to feed it with love and acceptance of all your positive and negative attributes, as well as your mistakes and your successes. Strive to avoid being a fair-weather friend to yourself.

When you take advantage of it, your high confidence can be an energetic force that propels you to enjoy your life and succeed in reaching your goals. It can also help you to make significant contributions to those around you, including your family, your friends, and your community. Use this positive force to make the most of every day, which will provide you with a sense of inner peace and happiness.

Click here for the test!

May, you're a Comfort Colada

Being with you is like taking a vacation. When it comes right down to it, you're good-hearted, smooth, and just the right amount of sweet. Chances are you're the first call people make when they need someone to cheer them up or when they want someone to celebrate with. You're supportive, encouraging, and know how to have a good time.

Since you're a laid-back and sensitive person, you really take the time to fully enjoy all of life's little gifts. You probably thrive when you're surrounded by the things you love most — whether it's friends and family or a cause you are passionate about. There's a richness about you that people just can't ignore. And what better way to complement your compassionate, relaxed spirit than with a cocktail that has the same deep and smooth take on life?

Click here for test!

May, your candy heart says Hot Stuff!

When you reach into the candy heart bag, there's no doubt you're coming up with a fire red heart that reads "Hot Stuff." It's not so much a label as it's your style — turning heads, getting numbers and raising room temperatures a few degrees when you walk through the door.

You'd love someone who could match your flame-throwing ways, but so far, everyone just melts like wax when you turn on the heat.

Got a romantic fireside dinner planned for you and your very own hottie? Better keep a hose nearby because sparks could start flying.

And if you're still on the prowl, waiting to find someone who can hold their own against your undeniable sense of romance and action, keep a close watch. They're sure to come around soon when they see your "Hot Stuff" coming their way.

Click here for the test!

Sometimes, I ask myself that question... and you know, I think it will take more than just words to believe anyone is actually telling the truth. His actions & body language may give away any clue as to whether he is lying or not. Many times, I've learnt that I should not believe anything that anyone tells me because if I do, I'll get hurt in the end. And I think anyone should keep in mind that no matter how much he or she has gone through, be it relationships or personal experiences, they must always be on their guard. Liars may come by as harmless & may promise you anything under the sun, but in the end, you'll only get yourself hurt if you don't keep yourself on the lookout and believe whatever liars may tell you to believe. Trust God & yourself rather than others. Believe in your own instincts & inner voice and avoid yourself to become a prey for anyone who has bad intentions to hurt you for their own benefits.

less romantic	more romantic

less important	more important

less important	more important

less important	more important

May, your eyes say you're Sincerely Sweet

Kind and genuine, you're the sort of gal who's always looking out for others and being a great friend. You have a big heart and can't help but open it up to those you're close with. When you're that pretty on the inside, you can't help but be beautiful on the outside, too.

When it comes to makeup, you like to keep things light and low-key. But that doesn't mean you don't enjoy getting dolled up on special occasions. And when you do, we'd guess you only add to your already sparkling and sweet self. You glow girl!

Click here for the test!

This means you have an uncanny ability to look into the future and know ahead of time what is going to happen. You might, for instance, simply know that you're going to get that job before the interview even happens with a certainty that exceeds what you would expect to have simply knowing the facts of the situation. You might have a sense of dread before going out for the evening only to later have a flat tire on your way home. These little hunches are easy to ignore but for you especially, quite often lead to a true prediction of what is going to happen. These predictions can be used to generate positive outcomes, and the more you know about how to use your talent, the more you will be able to distinguish between fantasy of the future and an actual reality you are seeing happen, before it has actually happened.

While your strongest psychic talent is Precognition, Tickle also analyzed your psychic strengths in:

Click here for the test!